Monday, 9 December 2013

The Reason Why I'm doing these..

As I plan and prepare for the BACChristmas Party, I have to remind myself,over and over again, that I should not complain.
Despite the fact that college has never called my number so many times over the span of one week, and I've never so faithfully checked and replied almost every post in our Facebook group.
And that I've never used WhatsApp so much in my life.
I just didn't like that I had to check and lias with everyone. Going early to meet and discuss the event with the management team, pasting posters all over, listening to rude comments, and putting up a brave front to invite the staff from college.Like, personally going around and inviting them.
(Fortunate to have a friend doing it with me, else my legs might have turned jelly-o once I step into staffroom)

 So I have to remind myself, that I'm not doing this for the CF, the college, or my friends.I'm doing it for God. My focus is on God and God alone. ;)

Sunday, 8 December 2013

7 lies about Christianity, which Christians believe.

I find this article interesting, and decided to imprint it in my blog for future purpose.Of course, i take no credit,and it's taken from

Christianity is great, but not everything we say or believe about it is necessarily true. Here are the most common stereotypes that Christians have about Christianity that are wrong:
You’re Always Happy:There’s an unhealthy expectation within many faith communities that we’re always supposed to be joyful, as if being anything other than a smiling, peaceful, and jolly spiritual cheerleader is detrimental to Christianity.
“Being a good witness” is often the Christian way of saying, “act the part.” But while contentment and happiness is a spiritual virtue, it should never come at the expense of honesty, transparency, and truthfulness. We shouldn’t pretend to be happy and use the facade of joy as an evangelism tool. 
God desires reconciliation and renewal, and this often means confronting broken relationships and dealing with sin within our lives. Asking for forgiveness, admitting addiction, confronting abuse, seeking justice, requesting help, and serving others often makes you the opposite of happy — and that’s OK.
There’s a season for everything, and some of life’s most important, loving, and holy moments are times of trial, sorrow, and sadness — so let’s stop trying to turn Christianity into something it was never meant to be. 
Your Problems Will Disappear: Some people use Christianity as a form of escapism, a crutch, and a way to avoid the pain, suffering, and struggles of life. But at the center of Jesus’ life and teaching is (again) the concept of truth. Christianity isn’t about ignoring reality but embracing it, engaging the real world and all the baggage that comes with it.
In many ways, following Jesus causes us to accept — and confront — the facts, whether they are good or bad. We shouldn’t hide or pretend or ignore difficulties, but address them.  
A faith in Christ requires honesty and bravery, and it demands sacrifice, service, and heartbreak. The New Testament shows us that Jesus’ disciples faced even more problems when they decided to follow him: persecution, poverty, and ultimately martyrdom.
No, our problems won’t disappear, but a relationship with God is worth the accompanying struggles that may come with it.
You’ll Be “Blessed”:  If you’re seeking wealth, prosperity, comfort, and security, Christianity isn’t the place to go. 
Contrary to our consumer tendencies, Jesus’ teachings continually instruct believers to sacrifice and be willing to give everything away for the sake of loving others. The disciples of Jesus lived a dangerous and hard life that continually relied on the hospitality and generosity of others. They often ended up in jail or were even killed because of their faith. 
Some of the most holy and righteous people I know have lives that are extremely rough and filled with all sorts of trouble. Disease, sickness, poverty, crime, abuse, and a litany of other horrible things happen to good people — even Christians who passionately love God. 
Does this mean that they don’t trust God enough or aren’t being good Christians? No! Our faith isn’t a pathway toward gaining an array of physical, financial, or social blessings — it’s not a formula for worldly success, so let’s stop treating it like one.
Missions and Ministry Is Fun and Rewarding: Don’t get me wrong, it often is rewarding, but from the time we’re in Sunday school throughout high school and college, and even as adults, we’re told that “missions” and “ministry” and “evangelism” is fun, exciting, and rewarding. We go on exotic mission trips, work at car washes to raise money for local charities, and spend a day volunteering at the homeless shelter. Most of us then have the luxury of going home, back to our “regular” lives.
Missions and ministry is hard work. There’s a reason the burnout rate is absurdly high for people whose primary vocation is ministry-related. Pastors and missionaries are considered high-risk candidates within the medical community because of their susceptibility to addiction, stress, and abuse. It’s not an easy life.
Being a full-time missionary and minister requires constant service, with very little recognition and plenty of conflict. Combine this with long hours, low pay, and hardly any respectability, and it’s an existence that few can handle. 
But within our churches and Christian institutions, we glorify the idea of serving others without presenting an accurate or truthful picture of what it really looks like or requires from us. Instead of telling the horror stories of relational conflict, emotional pain, and physical turmoil, we’re fed stories of revival, spiritual renewal, and miraculous wonders. That’s great, but in many cases it gives us false expectations of what ministry honestly looks like.
We need to start portraying ministry accurately instead of marketing it as some sort of superficial fun-filled adventure. And for those already within ministry, we need to give them all the support and encouragement they deserve.
All Your Questions Will Be Answered: Christianity is full of doubt, uncertainty, nuance, and complexity. There are very few clear answers, and the ones that exist are debated among hundreds of theologians. For those seeking resolutions to life’s deepest questions and mysteries, Christianity will provide some clarity, but ultimately it leaves much to the imagination.
As believers, we need to start accepting the fact that we don’t know everything. When we try to turn the Bible into a set of answers to all of the world’s challenges and questions, we end up manipulating the message of Christ and forming it into our own agendas just to appease our curiosity or quell the objections of others.
The Christian Community Is Great: Many people leave the Christian faith not because they hate Jesus, but because they hate the people who represent him. Christians hurt people. They fight, argue, yell, scream, and do horrible things. 
Nobody knows this better than Christians themselves, who routinely suffer through denominational splits, church infighting, community gossip, and an avalanche of interpersonal conflicts.
Christians aren’t better than anyone else. The divorce rates, crime rates, and other “moral” comparative data show little difference between them and the rest of the world. So let’s stop pretending Christians have the market corner on what’s right and wrong. 
We need to start listening and talking with others instead of self-righteously judging and convicting others. There’s a reason why you can’t look across a mall and point out who’s a Christian and who isn’t — because there’s no noticeable difference.
It Makes You Better Than Others:This is the hardest truth for Christians to swallow, that they aren’t any better than anyone else. In fact, Jesus continually tried to instill the virtues of humility and humbleness throughout his ministry, repeatedly trying to teach his followers that everyone was loved by God, regardless of social, financial, or spiritual status.
When we see ourselves as superior, we become like the Pharisees, who craved power and control and authority. But God, the ruler of the world, made himself nothing, and died on a cross for the sake of others — for the sake of those who were in the process of murdering him! Are we willing to become nothing for the sake of others, even for those we dislike? 
The problem with romanticizing Christianity is that we turn our faith into a product, using various selling points to make it look more attractive. It’s not that the above headlines are entirely false, it’s just that Christians publicize them as being entirely true. This creates false expectations and idols, and inevitably leads to disappointment and sense of failure.
Instead of promoting Christianity as a set of benefits, we need to promote Christ. In the end, when everything else fails and falls short, Jesus will remain faithful through it all. We can trust him above any form of religion we attempt to turn Christianity into.
Stephen Mattson has contributed for Relevant Magazine and the Burnside Writer's Collective, and studied Youth Ministry at the Moody Bible Institute. He is now on staff at Northwestern College in St. Paul, Minn. Follow him on Twitter @mikta.
Photo: Dennis Kuvaev/Shutterstock

Friday, 6 December 2013

Ending 2013, 20 going on 21

I think it's sad.That I'm gonna be 21 soon.
It's too old.I wanna stay as young as possible. Okay, not really as young as possible, but maybe stay 19, or 20, for another two years or more.
Growing up means, well, growing older, (supposedly) wiser.
I mean, of course, I wanna grow wiser, I just don't like that age is a factor.
How nice, if it really does happen, if i could stay 20 for another year.Really, time passes too fast.
Can't grasp it, can't make it stay, can't make it wait for me.
The last entry made on my diary was 2nd December13, and today when I write my next entry, it's 6th.
SIXTH!!!The first week of December gone.
Really, sometimes, I wished I could pray things like: God, please just slow down the time. Or, turn back the clock.
I wanna enjoy every moment, every second of my life.
I still believe life is beautiful, made for us to treasure every moment that comes with it.

But sometimes, looking at the pile of books, articles, essays and notes waiting for me to at the very least, flip the pages, makes me feel so *ugh.
Like why, why can't I just sit down, get a cup of hot chocolate, cross my legs on the table, and savor them, like how I used to do with novels. I miss those moments.
Of reading and absorbing every word in Enid Blyton's series.
Imagining the pixies running around with mushrooms as their umbrellas, of the wishing chair, of queer little Moonface, of the Enchanted Woods.
Just really sad. How I miss those times.
Rather than rushing through my textbooks, the subject guides, case judgements, I really want to sit down and enjoy them.=(

Friday, 8 November 2013

#Rant Post

You know, I never really get to find out why do people always say, 'Reading law' instead of 'Studying Law'.
I think the word 'studying' requires a higher standard of input into the brain than mere 'reading'.
Like when I read something related to law, there is a need to analyse and evaluate.
I think I actually like doing that-connecting pictures, diagrams, words. If not for the time limit, I would enjoy them all .
Whatever it is, sometimes, when I'm in my right state of mind, then I'll tell myself that I've gotta enjoy this process.No matter that. Since I'm already in here, in this mess.  Road to success.Bwahhahaha..Optimistic.

*cross fingers*  I hope my Samsung phone is okay, and in one-piece, when it comes back to me.
Don't ask me why I bought a Samsung.I'm pretty sure i made it clear to everyone that I've set my eyes on a Lenovo s890.
Then , I walked into Summit, determined to buy just that, and the salesperson was like 'Why don't you get HuaWei, the best brand in China?Lenovo is also made in China you know bla bla bla.'
And then they were promoting s3, which is also on sale.
And then.......after much walking and discussion, and surveying, and talking, and looking at phones of different models,I decided to just go back and BUY THE PHONE LAH.
But it wasn't a Lenovo cause the salesperson does not sell screen protector for the model I wanted.
He wanted to charge me RM100 for the cover.=.=
Which I did'nt buy because I feel cheated.
So I bought the s3.

And Then, I discovered (when i reached home), that the camera was faulty.=.=
And I discovered, a tad too late, that stupid SAMSUNG doesnt do a one to one exchange.They would only repair it.
I mean it's like so unfair, it was their negligence in manufacturing a faulty product and I can't exchange for a new phone.It isn't even like I got it as a gift,  I bought it with MONEY.
Just so pissed off the entire day.
Sigh, whatever la, repair pun repair la.
No use stressing and being angry liao right?
 I just need to complain here.
I don't understand why is it I always kena for buying faulty electronic stuff.=(

Saturday, 7 September 2013

Running Away

I am repeating this so many times untill I myself also sien already.
I'm pretty sure the listener is also bored with hearing the same thing.

I feel so emo now.

I wanna SCREAM VERY LOUD AT EVERYONE, telling them to leave me alone.
I'm so tired, so so tired.Not physically tired, but descriptively tired, of saying the same old thing, same old sentence.
I wanna leave.
I wanna leave.
I wanna leave.

I'm pretty sure I've blog about this before too.

I'm pretty sure I started talking about leaving since like last year= nine months= approx 270 days.

But I cannot leave.Because I have to consider  A LOT of things.
And my Abba have not given me a concrete answer yet.

Side A's arguments are  :
You need to go to a church who can give you spiritual food, solid food for you to grow.
You cant go to church and still come back unshaken,unchanged.

Side B's arguments are:
You Are harbouring UNHEALTHY Feelings.
This might be Satan's influence.
You are just talking about your 'FEELING'. We should base our belief in faith, not feeling.
Everyone else thinks that this is a good church, you ARE the exception.
*all fingers pointing at me*

Listening to them just makes me so tired.
I feel like closing my ears so that I wont be influenced by them.
I say pray, how many, just how many of you shut up your mouth and said
' Okay, I will pray together with you and wait upon the Lord to see what is His answer.'
I daresay, none.
But maybe it is human nature, to have one's opinion and to argue in a way that I should support whatever your belief is.

But, I dont need that, all of that.Do you understand?
I've been through the arguments 1000times, I dont need to hear them again.
I dislike the defensive expressions when I voiced out that I have a PROBLEM with my church life.

So what?You'd rather I keep quiet?
Truth is, I can't.I just am not the type to retreat quietly into the shadows and never to be heard of again.
I wanna openup.If i have a problem, I have a problem.
I don't wanna act so holy and fake as though I am satisfied with my life, my church life.

Awesome aint it?

So what if I leave, where can I go?Or which can I go?
And I know Mum will not be following me.
Also, I have not really heard it, final, confirmed, from Father that I must/need to leave and go elsewhere.

But if I dont leave, every week I'm dragging myself.
Every Sunday I sit at the chair, fidgeting.Unable to concentrate.
Angry because I feel forced to attend.
Pissed because I feel so empty there.Like, whaaaaa?nothing is happening here kinda feeling.
Sigh.Another time I use the word 'I feel' and I'm gonna be attacked again.

I'm so tired.
It's as if I can't use the word 'feel'.
Then what?
If I dont feel, then what?
If you dont feel, will you be able to do anything?

If you FEEL hungry, will you eat?
If you FEEL cold, will you wear a jacket?
If you FEEL tired, will you rest?

So don't tell me I should not FEEL, because it is illogical.
If I omit the word 'FEEL', things will not work.
Either way, it's impossible.

I just don't understand, what is God planning now?
Sigh.I wanna peek into His plan's, see things from His view, just this once.

Thursday, 1 August 2013

God, I need you!

Help me.
I need strength to endure through each hardships.
To endure through the workload, the stress and pressure.
Father God, I need you.
I need to be patient, be cool, loving and forgiving.
Help me not to harbour any unforgivingness and hatred in my heart.

Everyday, I tell them, I wanna resign.
Please just go and find someone else.
Everyday I find myself still going to the office.

Everyday, I tell myself that I must be patient and not get angry over anything.
And in the morning, I would still be able to keep my cool.
Few harsh words and I'm ready to call it quits.

And the workload keep piling up.
I feel like spitefully leaving them and then watch them DIE.
Watch how they suffer under the heavy worload which will be heavier after Jessie and I leave.

And then,
I thought they are pitiful too.They themselves are already working non stop till late night.
Sometimes I wonder, such good business and so much havoc within the internal system and it still works fine overall.
God really blessed this company.So much!!

But then again, I remind myself that it is God's provision for me to work here.
And I say, draw strength from Him.

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

What's Happening Now

I feel like I needed to talk to God, after not talking to Him for such a  long time.
But I felt like typing it out, instead of writing it in my diary or voicing it out as a prayer.
So here you go.

I really have a bad sore throat(I guess all sore throats hurts mad).
And it really is uncomfortable because every time I swallow, even my own air liur, it hurts!!!
And I've taken about the entire pack of Strepsils, a bottle of hundred plus and a cup of honey lemon.
And also 2 lozenges,and, there is no improvement.==

I feel bored, or rather, hectic, not in the studying hectic style, but working hectic style.
Hectic working style differs in that you know you have things to do which will keep you occupied the entire day.And best part?
Its the same everyday.A routine.
Wake up, bathe. eat, work, bathe, eat, sleep, wakeup, bathe, eat, work, bathe, eat, sleep........
You get the picture.
Nothing exciting but sufficient to allow stress to seep into my daily life because of the WORKLOAD.

I have a weakness, which is that whatever I feel whether happy, angry or stressed will be displayed on my face.
Like I cant hide it at all.
and I don't like it!!

And I'm actually kinda tired that everyday I go to work and someone or something would happen to make me feel angry.
Like this egoistic guy who never admits his mistake, and this weird person who does not understand what I communicate over Skype and I would repeat n repeat that I dont have it, and she would repeat and repeat that she wants me to email to her.WhaaaaAT!*throws hand up in the air*
And illogical customers that comes in last minute like a half hour before we close with a handful of enrollments for us to key in.He actually started arranging the forms on the long desk and it was a horrifying sight.(For me la)
I'm not even kidding!!!
Or people who thinks that I am free and requests for me multitask.
I mean I will do it if I could, but I only have one pair of eyes.
I cant do both things which require my eyesight at once!
Then I would get angry because I think it's inhuman and illogical.

See, I get pissed off at about everything.
But I guess it's just human that I'm dealing with.
Oh and the workload is mosome awesome much.
Like you know before you strat that you would never ever be able to finish them.
I mean, it's logical the amount of task you could do at hand, two months into being an admin clerk/cs/phone receiver/storekeeper and you could actually know how much you could or cannot do.
So it's stupid to keep piling work on us.

There, I've said it all.
Didnt I say earlier that it would be safer for me to write in my diary?
But I'm so lazy to get it.

Then again, everyday I remind myself that I cant get angry over petty things.
I'm just working for two months, TWO GOOD WHOLESOME months!
And I membebel dan meng-complain non-stop.
How can, Michele?!?!

Just do my part, everyday I'm telling myself that, and everyday I forgot about that when something happens to spark off aku punya anger.Apalah ni.
Today one of my colleague was kinda saying that I am different from when I first came in.
Probably looked more stressed up now than then.
And sigh, everyday I tell myself that Im just working to get pocket money and my commitment towards company is not long term and nor is my affection for company deep enough to get me upset over stupid systems.It's holiday yo, I'm suppose to enjoy them!!

Sigh sigh sigh.Big big sigh.

At this point of time, I'm pretty sure all my close friends who read this will comment that this is style Michele untuk bercomplain.
Ok la I dont deny that la okay.

But lemme reminicise on the good aspects.
Which is that food is plentiful and sufficient, as in my manager or even customers would buy food for us, hailing for Ipoh, Penang and own backyard(fruits).
So you see, they are quite generous in feeding us.
Then also, the attitude of the people are actually pretty nice.
I mean they are not like what I firstly imagined them to be, the rude, gossipy, blackhearted bully style.
They are not like that lo... eyelids are drooping already.
I;ve decided tomorrow is a new day I'm gonna remind myself not to be stressed, regardless of what happened.
I will be strong, and ask God to fill me with enough love to cover all the weakness of people around me.

Sunday, 14 July 2013

Work Life 1

Read my girlfriend's blogpost and felt like writing one too.
Except that all her complaints has got a positive, bright side to it.
And all my complaints are just well, plain complaints.

But I guess after ranting it out to my bestie on the phone,
and chatting with my sister on Facebook, it seems like it was all planned.
All the challenges I faced at work was to help me become a stronger person.
Btw, nobody wants to go out with me,to shop and relax and look around things.Sad case =(

Okay, I can't really say I love all the conflicts in my working place, the gossips and stress.
But I tell you, only these can draw me closer to God.When things go wrong, I needed to vent my frus to God.
Like I havent been talking to God for a month now.
Because I was just too busy.
Life's a routine.Wake up, work, reach home, rest, sleep.
And the cycle repeats.
I mean there were some positive points about my working place.
But it's the most challenging job I have as of now.
I have NEVER gone off sharp at 7pm which is the end of my working time.
Plus stayed EVERY Saturday for overtime.
And, READ my company mails even on Sun.

Considering I'm doing temporary, plus Im student working for pocket money, not attachment.

Ok, I really feel like I've done more than I should and then I feel like stopping.
Go back to being not too responsible, maybe lazier and act stupid.
But I have to remind myself to do my best, God is watching,I mean, God knows, even when human doesnt appreciate.
I tell you, they not only do not appreciate, they put more stuff onto your shoulder the moment they see your capabilities.
I mean, I'm already going beyond what I was contracted to do, and yet they piled more stuffs on me.

Okay, you see my post turned into something like a 'complaints' post again.
I shall stop here.
If anything happier happens I will post here.=)

Nothing is Impossible with God

I love today's devotion and that little story that comes with it.
The little boy is so creative and smart.
He must have stunned the high-nose scholar.Watch out for the boy, and more, for the powerful God I serve.

Nothing is Impossible With God
Gwen Smith
Today’s Truth
Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left (Exodus 14:21-22, NIV).

Friend to Friend
A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!” he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not.       
Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.         

“Hey” asked the boy in return with a bright laugh, “Don’t you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle.”         
The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy and began to try to open his eyes to the “realities” of the miracles of the Bible. “That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholars have shown that the Red Sea in that area was only ten inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across.         
The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. He had taken only two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation.         

“Wow!” exclaimed the boy happily, “God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in ten inches of water!”         
The Old Testament book of Exodus shows, over and over again, that nothing is impossible with God. Nothing! Moses was an ordinary man who was chosen by God to do an extraordinary task. On the far side of the desert in Midian, high on the mountain of God, Moses met the LORD face to flame. God appeared to Moses “in flames of fire from within a bush.”          

I would imagine that Moses was probably dirty, sweaty, and stinky from shepherding as he stood on holy ground before the LORD. I’m sure he was keenly aware of his filth and stench, both physically and spiritually. As he slipped off his shoes, he hid his face in fear. Moses did not feel adequate for the assignment that he had been given. He wasn’t confident in his abilities to get the job done. In fact, he even pleaded with God to send someone else! Moses said to God in Exodus 4:10, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”         
But God had a plan and Moses was His man. Through ten plagues and many signs and wonders, God flexed his muscles through Moses. Once Pharaoh had finally let God’s people go, Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt. No compass was necessary. God led His people through the desert with a pillar of clouds by day and a pillar of fire by night. It must have been an amazing sight. It must have been thrilling…up until the point where Pharaoh’s army was closing in on them as they approached the Red Sea. Talk about being faced with a seemingly impossible situation! Moses and around two million of his closest Hebrew friends stood at the edge of the water with nowhere to go. They were trapped. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD (Exodus 14:10). BUT GOD! God was on time for the miracle show. He had a plan. He made a way. Nothing is too difficult for God!           
Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today…The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:13). God purposed this extravagant rescue for His glory. The Lord will fight for you. When God is on our side, fighting for us, we can certainly be assured of victory!          

Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left (Exodus 14:21-22).          

The Israelites were saved, and Pharaoh’s army was destroyed - all under the watchful eyes of the LORD. God wanted to be glorified through a seemingly impossible situation. He wants to be glorified through the difficult situations that you face, too. If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31) When we stand with Christ, we stand with power. What Red Sea are you facing? Nothing is impossible with God. When you set aside your doubts and call on the name of the LORD, you can face the waters of your circumstances with a strong confidence, knowing that God is able and willing to do great things in and through you. Continue to follow the pillars of cloud and of fire of God's leading. You have a chance to bring God the glory of which He is so deserving!

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Post Exams

The last post dated back to 29th of April.
almost two months ago.

Anyway, a quick update:
Finished my year 1.
YESH!Did you read that?
Nevermind, I'll type it again.



Ok.Last I recall, I blow kissed about 10 marks to my Common Law examiner coz I couldn't finish it on time.
I read the Public Law question wrongly so I think my answer is only half-correct.
Criminal Law was the first paper and I didn't plan my answers properly so there were LOTSA mistake.
Contract law too, I couldnt finish the last question and therefore it was left hanging.
Personally and honestly, I didnt think I presented my very best.As in no-regrets-best.
But I did my human best.And the mistakes were well, mistakes.Human mistakes.HAHA.
Ok.this is much twisting and turning with the story!
But but but, I still wanna focus on Jesus, focus on my almighty, strong, powerful God.
Because He can do anything.He does what He wills.And I believe everything that is planned or allowed by Him will be the best plan ever, for my life.

And I visited the Kampung Orang Asli in Sungai Rasau to spend time with the children.
And I love them, all of them.
I tell you, the most mature, bestest, kindest,understandest(if there is such a word) is often the poorest.
It need not be the oldest, it could be the youngest.
Their living condition is bad.They live with chickens, like under the same roof,same level!!!!!
By the way, their houses are only one storey high, made of wood.
And really, this girl told me that she doesnt go to school because she doesnt own an alarm clock, therefore she wont be able to wake up.
And as young as she is, maybe 8 or 9 years old, she has to cook for her family, since her mother ran away.
sad case right?=(

But I also love that they are willing to learn, especially English.
I sat down, opened a book and started reading.Pretty soon I am surrounded by the little people.=)
Some of them were even willing to forgo the pizza-making and eating just to hear me read them stories.*touched
And I love it.I love reading to attentive little audiences.
I love that they appreciate the chance to learn and the fact that they want to learn.
Aww.I have this most amazing awwwwww feeling.Haha.

And then, I started work in a nutrition/health drink company.
and so far, I love the customers(tho there are a few bad apples), love my colleagues, love the environment and love the place!
So high-class and comfortable kinda setting.There is even a pantry where drinks, fridge, oven are available.
My colleagues, sad to say, are all guys. But they're pretty nice people (hmm, when they are not busy haha).
And the customers are the best that I've ever seen.Because they bring food for us!!
Like all the way from Penang, Hong Kong bla bla.
Last I counted there were 7 different kind of delicacies from different places.
How awesome!
Oh oh last but not least the salary is sufficiently satisfying.Better than last year's RM 900 per month.(how pathetic = =)

Okay, that's all!!Will update when I have time, or Make time to blog.=)

Monday, 29 April 2013

El Sali-The God of my Strength

Daily in Your Presence(Day 117)

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

FROM THE FATHER'S HEARTMy child, your shoulders are drooping. Have you been trying to carry your own burdens again? Come to Me. My arms are strong. Let Me have your load. We are a team, remember? Relying on your own strength will only propel you into discouragement and physical exhaustion. Meekness is something I will give you, if you will rest in Me.
A GRATEFUL RESPONSELord, most of my yokes are self-made, heavy burdens of my own choosing. I can learn from Your example of meekness. It is not weakness but controlled strength that can carry the world's burdens on its back, all at the same time. Thank You for Your meekness.
When the burdens of life get too heavy to bear, for the rest of the journey, He'll carry us there.

I am delighted.My friend says I dont exhibit that 'stress-ness' like how I used to be months ago.
*eventhough it is seven days away from my exam now*
I read Jim Cymbala's 'Fresh Faith' and decided that I dont wanna let Satan steal that faith away from me.
That childlike trust in my Father to walk by my side and the belief that He controls my future.
The belief that He is with me, will be with me, even as I prepare and study, even as I sit in the exam hall writing furiously for 3 hours.
In law, we learn a lot on foreseeability of the future, like actions of the defendant or the victims.
So I right now apply my knowledge*laughs* and I foresee that in everything that I do, the Lord will be with me.
The Lord does what He wills, and I have faith that everything is in His perfect plans.
I want to have faith in my Father.
I tell you it is a hard thing to do, esp for someone like me, who is a control maniac and a boss-zila.
I like to plan things through and take caution in every step that I take.
But the Lord helps and strengthens, because I am weak in my own strength.

He will see me through this madness.
Life is a mess.Really a mess.
But when I admit my frailty and ask my Father to provide me with strength, He answers.
And I believe that His plans are better than mine. :
Romans 8 :28(NLT)
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Genesis 50:20 (KJV)
But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

(I will persevere, the Lord will work in His time, and I shall see His purpose come to past.)

That was part of what the pastor preached last Sunday.

On a side note, I kinda feel relieved when I express my intention to resign,
I surrender them all to the Lord, they are His sheep.He is the shephard.
I cant do much by worrying.I can only pray.
And the Lord will rescue them, in His time.

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Torn Apart---Tears of Frustration

Yes.I visited one of my friend's church.
And honestly, I love.The worship was awesome-r, the message was energy-er, and the youths were talk-able.
Stop stop stop.Don't tell me to not compare.
Because I right now have all the valid reasons to 'shift' church.
All I'm doing now is waiting for God to answer me.

This is bad.
If you ask me personally, I want to change the place where I'm worshiping.
Really, I do.
Okay, I'm a bit agitated now because something happened again.Yes.Again.
See?Too often.I sometimes wonder why am I agitated.Do I even have valid reasons.
Am I the one who has the problem.
Truth is, it has became a task, a mechanical, boring, forced labour.
I feel dreaded to go there.No joy, no love,no peace.

ISH.STUCK here.Smack in the middle.I want to leave.Everytime I join in, in less than few minutes of talking with them, I wanna bail out already.

Yet on the other hand, sometimes I look at them and they seem pitiful.
Left out, alone.I wanna walk this out with them you know.

So I'm praying, and listening.If God says to stay I will stay.He will give me strength to do so.
But this is it.Right now is another one of those 'frus' moments.

Friday, 19 April 2013

O Me of Little Faith

Spent my book voucher yesterday at Popular, Summit. 
And bought this little board to paste on the wall, so it's facing me directly when I sit beside my study table.
Nah..took a picture of it.

As you can see, have not started to decorate it or anything like that.
But transferred all the post-it notes which was previously on the whitewashed wall. ;)

Anyway, my point is that, I was reading a book and then got bored.
So I started reading the notes and spot this :

Every display of talent is a testament, not to the person who has the gift, but to the Creator who gave the gift.
It's the Lord who gave you that gift and so the Lord expects you to work that gift for His glory.Col 3:23

Many times I forgot that it's for His glory.An act of worship.
Many times I look at the surrounding waters and feel afraid, scared.Just like Peter.
Time after time the Lord did miracles in front of the disciples.
Time after time the Lord came through for me, even when I don't see Him nor sense Him.

I was the keyboard-ist for the christian fellowship today in college.
And the songs that the songleader chose were unheard of, by me.
We only ran through the songs once for practice.
But I wasn't able to grasp, like how does the song flow and sometimes I freeze, searching for the part that they're singing, cause I only had chords on the first verse and chorus.And the songs were hymns-like so we had like 4 verses and they weren't neatly arranged.
So I started worrying.Like what if I play halfway and then got stuck again?
Plus 2 of the 3 songs were 3beat songs and it wasn't an area I was comfortable with.
I wanted to pull out.But the team didnt allow.And one of them said I was 撒娇-ing.==
I was really worrying.Like what if I messed up again.(Note: it's 'again', meaning I've messed up before)
I felt like I couldn't play, or won't be able to play well.
Aiyoh.Banyak doubts la.
But do you see the problem?
I wasn't able to trust God.Aiyoh.After all, this little knowledge I have of the piano, it's God-given.And I'm worrying that I'm not good enough for the audience.==
I did continue though  and throughout the whole worship session I was able to play, quite smoothly.( I can't say very smooth cause I did freeze during one of the songs trying to find which part they're singing lol)
But it was better than expected lah.

I'm sorry, Lord, for not trusting You again.Forgive me.
And I'm grateful that You are merciful enough to see me through.
Your grace is sufficient for me.


This period of exam preparation is taking it's toll on me.
Really.There are just so many things to memorise.
Note: I said memorise. Not read. In law, it's true that you have to memorise a lot.
And a lot of it is abstract-like.It's totally different from reading science.Science(talking about my spm experience) is one subject where you can imagine the object itself.Law is different. Ask a law student and 80% will tell you they regret reading law,a teeny weeny bit.
Anyway, when time closes in on me, I suddenly feel like I couldn't remember what I memorised the day before!So I started panicking, and really, there are a lot of topics to cover.No kidding.
So I sent out messages to my christian friends who are also preparing for exam, and then one of them reminded me of the times when God pulled me through.
And that's like a click!
Oh what little faith I have.
For God to somehow see me through the ups and downs of life this two decades(yes, I'm twenty) and still not trust Him.
So my human strength and will is weak. But I draw strength from the Lord.
Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And I'm still learning.Trust me, it's tough when you have a mountain load of books piled up in front of you.
But you know what, my life will be a testament.
The Lord will guide me, like always.
He is my Rock.
Jeremiah 3:33 Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.


Wednesday, 10 April 2013

The Intellectual Part of Faith

'This is why faith, or at least the intellectual part faith, scares me a little bit. Because when it comes to theology, I feel like I'm constantly trying to strike this delicate balance. On one side of the balance is "figuring it out" and feeling safe, but being subsequently bored with my faith. While on the other side there are questions and uncertainties that keep me moving and guessing, but also leave me with an underlying worry that challenges to my faith might make me lose it altogether.'

Now, this woman is amazing. I read the article and felt like shouting 'Me!Me!Me too.'
Yes.I can totally understand it when she says that.
All the seemingly 'new' ideas that present a huge challenge to my current 'faith' foundation esp the theology part.
Feels like 'O God, don't tell me everything I once believed in was wrong all the while!'
Please do it slowly. I need to take this one step at a time.

''' I felt God remind me that it was okay for me to be uncertain, to admit I didn't have it all put together, and to occasionally, or often, change my perspective. I didn't have to feel ashamed for wondering, for asking, or for seeing things in a new way. I didn't have to feel afraid.

My ideas might shift about who God is, or how He works, or how Church is "supposed" to be, but He is the same yesterday, today and forever.''

Friday, 5 April 2013

If You Ask Me What I Think...

Okay, I just feel a need to pen down, here, whatever that is in my head.
I'm gonna be just truthful, and as honest and straightforward as I can.Although I know that they might feel like I'm criticizing them, if they ever do stumble upon this post.
But of course not, I'm not doing so. I'm just penning down my thoughts, what I think about all the discussions that we had.

I just don't like it.I don't know, it could be my problem.
But I don't like the way they seem to, in my opinion, come up with a whole new lot of things that seems right, backed with evidence from the bible that seems to challenge everything that I believed in.I could be wrong.All the beliefs I held on to,could be wrong.I don't feel good, I don't feel enlightened, like'Ahhh, something has opened up to reveal some kinda truth to me.'
Honestly, it was all confusing to me.
Like I was here and yet there. Both parties seemed right, both parties seems to know what they are talking about.So I don't know where I stand.

But I really don't find a need to distinguish between Calvinism and Arminians.
I don't feel a need to determine who is wrong is who is right.We are all human.Of course, we could read some verse and go like 'Oh, God appears to me and points out the right path.'I mean, okay, if that is so, if you think that it really is God telling you, then go ahead.Believe it.
I think God works in many different ways.Reveals Himself to people in different methods.
God may shed more light in certain characters of Him, like some may experience joy more than other values in their life.Some may experience love, His love, much more than other  things like peace etc etc.I think it's different for people.
People's needs are, I think it doesn't matter as to whether He love us ALL, or love us, SOME, only some.I mean, it's his choice, whether He chose to love those with Maggi Mee hair or those with jet black straight hair.
But we share a common ground, we know that He loved us, we claim ourselves to be 'saved'.But we also agree our job is to spread the good news to the world.(The Great Commission)
Whether He love some people or not, it doesnt matter or affect our job to proclaim that He is God, the Lord of the universe.
So why the need to distinguish if people are reformed or not?
Why the need to distinguish whether you are Calvinist or Arminians?
Why the need to know who is right, or wrong?
We know He loved you and I, and chose us.We wanna love him back.These are fundamental principles.Could never go wrong, so much that we wanna share it to people around us.We wanna spread the love, that could never go wrong, right?
so why the need to go like' Oh you are right in this?She are wrong?'
Unless God expressly says so, say that the answer is A, not B.
Again, I might be wrong in these.I'm just penning down my thoughts.

Then we talked about the role of a woman in a church.Like, the senior pastor post, should belong to a man instead of woman.Yes, equality,but not in this context.
I think it is not our job to judge if a particular person is doing it right or wrong.Because we don't know, we are looking from a third party's point of view. For all you know, God might have gone and personally reveal to that woman that she is to take up the job.That job could be meant for her.
If God feels a man need to be raise to be the head and leader of it, then God could've have done so.He will fill that space.But if God feels that the woman is capable, God wants to use her instead of a man, then who are you to say 'No, God should follow the age old tradition of using a man as the leader.
We don't know, we just don;t know, there are just so many loopholes and grey areas.But God knows, His plan is perfect.It is our job to obey God, when God ask you to lead, you lead, when God says you submit to another person, you submit.If God sees the need, He will fill it.
Our job is just to obey and follow His instructions.
I don't have the right to point fingers and judge.Really, I don't.
Also, I don't think there is a need to classify these as biblical, or unbiblical.
Because we don;t know.It isn't as clear as 'You shall not murder.'
For all I know, those people whom I think is doing it all wrong, could have been right, their hearts could've been right with God, and it is all that matters, right?

But God is gracious.We are human.We all err.
Of course, it is not an excuse to continue doing so,I'm just saying that if God has put in in your heart that certain things must be done certain way, then please do so.This is about you and God.But if not, then stop the arguments about who is right, who is wrong.
Soemtimes, I do think that when I try to get someone to support and believe in what I say, it might be pride.
Who am I?I am not God.My wisdom and knowledge are limited.
So why the need to do so?Why the need to prove that you are right, absolutely right, and the other is wrong?

I think it's okay to have different viewpoints on some issues.As long as you continue to walk closely to God, and desire Him, with all your heart mind and soul, And obey Him, in whatever He asks of you, then it is enough.

Again, I might be wrong.Again, there might be a need to clarify things and stand on one side or the other.
But right now, I just don't find the need to do so.It's not making me feel any better.

So God, if I'm wrong, please correct me.And help to stay humble, always,because I could always be wrong in things like this.

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Hate this

Hate it.Hate whatever that is happenning.
Yet, what my big sis says might be true.
God planned this.
God intended it to happen.
God wants me to learn something from this.

Sigh.Putting God over everyone else.
Pleasing God and not people.
I have to remember that.The tough love.
I mean it's not like I lick people's feet to please them or what, just that..
Sometimes yeah, I really do not want to say things that hurt people.
Unless at that moment in time, I think they deserve it.I'll shoot them back, sarcastically.
But it doesn't last, I'll feel guilty one after that.

Now I'm learning, when I do the 'tough love', direct it at the bulls-eye.
Confronting people.
It will hurt, but it's also love.The tough side. It's chicken soup for the soul.
I will need God's wisdom in this too.
So that I don't speak the wrong words, and go wrongly from what God intended it to be.
ARGH.why is this so hard wehy God?
*knocks hard at heaven's door*

Aiyo.This had better come out good.

Please, this has gotta be a life lesson to learn from okay, God?

Friday, 22 March 2013

Quiet Me

This wonderful.=')
It speaks!!!!!Totally what I wanna express now.

Quiet me~
Still the storm that rages~
I'm crying out once more, I need to hear You speak~
Let me feel the calming that You know I need~

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

A Rant

*shakes fist at whoever came out with the idea of a subject called 'Public Law'
Really can cry blood one.
Ok, instead of being disappointed that aku baca tapi tarak paham, aku rasa marah pulak.
Okay la, I'm also quite clear that the law itself is innocent.
Just that I totally don't understand why should I learn it, I DONT WANNA LEARN PUBLIC LAW LA.

I imagine this:
*takes public law textbook and fly it out of the window.
Or, *happily donates it to people in need of a public law book.
Woah.Kill two bird with one stone.Can do charity work lagi.

Ok.I'm done with the rant.*smiles*
I can face the world again.The bright new day awaits for me.
*assures self*
Michele, YOU CAN DO IT!

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Broken Into Beautiful

Broken Into Beautiful
Gwen Smith/Sue Smith/Chad Cates

She's smiling on the outside
But she's hurting on the inside
It's getting hard just living anymore
And the shadows she has clung to
Painful things that she has been through
Have left her feeling worthless, Lord... but

You change worthless into precious
Guilty to forgiven
Hungry into satisfied
Empty into full
All the lies are shattered
And we believe we matter
When You change broken into beautiful

We live with accusations
Sometimes heavy expectations
That tell us we can never measure up 
And yet You repeat with mercy
That in your eyes we are worthy
At last we see how much we're loved cause


Though we can't see how we can stand before you Lord
And feel valued, priceless and adored

Friday, 15 March 2013

The Me that God Created

I recently stated to visit the website on a frequent basis : ibelieve
I love the insights of those women, the little seeds of wisdom that come from experiencing life with God.
Somehow, to me, these seem more approachable, more applicable to my life, more appealing to what I feel  on a day by day basis.
Guiltily, more practical than mere reading of the words in the Bible.

I dislike the' theologian'way of interpreting the Bible.*scrunch nose*
It seems *pauses* ... dead to me. Like we're just investigating the words, on a surface, literal meaning, having no application to our life.

Okay, that's what I feel okay.Don't come and rebuke me now.
On my defence, those women live out, and experience the works of God in their life.
Their story seems more honest and human, to me.
Bla bla bla.ok.I should not complain. =)

I'm pasting this post below to remind myself of the women within me when I get caught up in how the world defines 'beauty'.(which I'm pretty sure will happen in future)
PS:I'm copying and pasting the whole text here.

The Comparison Trap

Jenny LaBahn

The Comparison Trap
I have been in the beauty industry for 8 years. If anyone understands the struggle with comparison, it would be me.

I am a hairstylist and I work in a salon with 29 stunningly beautiful women. I cannot tell you how many times I have walked into work and thought to myself, “I need to lose weight; I should have – put on more make up; curled my hair instead of wearing it straight; worn that shirt instead of this one.” You get the idea.

However when I take a deeper look, I realize that what I am comparing myself to is makeup, haircolor, and hairspray. Things of no value.

Those things may accentuate and enhance, but they are not what make a woman beautiful.

The most beautiful women I know, are those who are at peace with themselves.

The Bible says it is unwise to compare ourselves to others.

“…when they measure themselves with themselves and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding and behave unwisely.” 2 Corinthians 10:12, AMP

I stopped coloring my hair almost two years ago, right before I studied abroad in Paris. When I got home, I decided to keep growing out my natural color. The girls at work were appalled, and ask me quite frequently if I am ever going to color my hair again. Even my clients have become curious as to why I have gone natural. Sometimes it gets to me, and I often think that maybe I should start again. I have even thought, “Maybe if I colored my hair I would look prettier, and then I wouldn’t be single.”

However, I have realized the futility and foolishness in that line of thinking. Something within me wanted to stop being fake. I wanted to stop changing and conforming myself to meet society’s standards of “pretty.”

Don’t get me wrong. I do not think there is anything wrong with make up or haircolor. If I felt that strongly about it, I would be out of a job. I just sensed within myself this striving to look a certain way, to meet a certain unattainable standard. But why? What was the driving force?

I was comparing myself to the woman next to me, instead of accepting the woman within me.

I am the me that God designed. He didn’t make me on accident, and He didn’t form me with some societal mold in mind that He was trying to measure up to. He is infinitely creative and brilliant.

Every time God creates, He does so with intention.

He utilized an equal and exact amount of creativity when He made you, and every other person on this planet. When we choose to compare ourselves with others around us, and the fictitious women we see in the magazine, we aren’t only making life harder on ourselves, we are telling God He didn’t do a good enough job.

God doesn’t make junk; He only makes masterpieces.

And guess what? No one can articulate God’s creativity quite like you can. You were made not to be beautiful, turn heads, and outdo the girl next to you with your beauty regimen. You were made to showcase the hand of God.

And you do that best when you stop comparing, and start accepting, the you that God made you to be.