Friday 19 April 2013

O Me of Little Faith

Spent my book voucher yesterday at Popular, Summit. 
And bought this little board to paste on the wall, so it's facing me directly when I sit beside my study table.
Nah..took a picture of it.


As you can see, have not started to decorate it or anything like that.
But transferred all the post-it notes which was previously on the whitewashed wall. ;)

Anyway, my point is that, I was reading a book and then got bored.
So I started reading the notes and spot this :

Every display of talent is a testament, not to the person who has the gift, but to the Creator who gave the gift.
It's the Lord who gave you that gift and so the Lord expects you to work that gift for His glory.Col 3:23


Many times I forgot that it's for His glory.An act of worship.
Many times I look at the surrounding waters and feel afraid, scared.Just like Peter.
Time after time the Lord did miracles in front of the disciples.
Time after time the Lord came through for me, even when I don't see Him nor sense Him.
**************

I was the keyboard-ist for the christian fellowship today in college.
And the songs that the songleader chose were unheard of, by me.
We only ran through the songs once for practice.
But I wasn't able to grasp, like how does the song flow and sometimes I freeze, searching for the part that they're singing, cause I only had chords on the first verse and chorus.And the songs were hymns-like so we had like 4 verses and they weren't neatly arranged.
So I started worrying.Like what if I play halfway and then got stuck again?
Plus 2 of the 3 songs were 3beat songs and it wasn't an area I was comfortable with.
I wanted to pull out.But the team didnt allow.And one of them said I was 撒娇-ing.==
I was really worrying.Like what if I messed up again.(Note: it's 'again', meaning I've messed up before)
I felt like I couldn't play, or won't be able to play well.
Aiyoh.Banyak doubts la.
But do you see the problem?
I wasn't able to trust God.Aiyoh.After all, this little knowledge I have of the piano, it's God-given.And I'm worrying that I'm not good enough for the audience.==
I did continue though  and throughout the whole worship session I was able to play, quite smoothly.( I can't say very smooth cause I did freeze during one of the songs trying to find which part they're singing lol)
But it was better than expected lah.

I'm sorry, Lord, for not trusting You again.Forgive me.
And I'm grateful that You are merciful enough to see me through.
Your grace is sufficient for me.

*************

This period of exam preparation is taking it's toll on me.
Really.There are just so many things to memorise.
Note: I said memorise. Not read. In law, it's true that you have to memorise a lot.
And a lot of it is abstract-like.It's totally different from reading science.Science(talking about my spm experience) is one subject where you can imagine the object itself.Law is different. Ask a law student and 80% will tell you they regret reading law,a teeny weeny bit.
Anyway, when time closes in on me, I suddenly feel like I couldn't remember what I memorised the day before!So I started panicking, and really, there are a lot of topics to cover.No kidding.
So I sent out messages to my christian friends who are also preparing for exam, and then one of them reminded me of the times when God pulled me through.
And that's like a click!
Oh what little faith I have.
For God to somehow see me through the ups and downs of life this two decades(yes, I'm twenty) and still not trust Him.
********************
So my human strength and will is weak. But I draw strength from the Lord.
Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And I'm still learning.Trust me, it's tough when you have a mountain load of books piled up in front of you.
But you know what, my life will be a testament.
The Lord will guide me, like always.
He is my Rock.
Jeremiah 3:33 Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

=)

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