God, I need you!

Help me.
I need strength to endure through each hardships.
To endure through the workload, the stress and pressure.
Father God, I need you.
I need to be patient, be cool, loving and forgiving.
Help me not to harbour any unforgivingness and hatred in my heart.



Sigh.
Everyday, I tell them, I wanna resign.
Please just go and find someone else.
Everyday I find myself still going to the office.
Sigh.




Everyday, I tell myself that I must be patient and not get angry over anything.
And in the morning, I would still be able to keep my cool.
Few harsh words and I'm ready to call it quits.
Really.


And the workload keep piling up.
I feel like spitefully leaving them and then watch them DIE.
Watch how they suffer under the heavy worload which will be heavier after Jessie and I leave.


And then,
I thought they are pitiful too.They themselves are already working non stop till late night.
Sometimes I wonder, such good business and so much havoc within the internal system and it still works fine overall.
God really blessed this company.So much!!


But then again, I remind myself that it is God's provision for me to work here.
And I say, draw strength from Him.

What's Happening Now

I feel like I needed to talk to God, after not talking to Him for such a  long time.
But I felt like typing it out, instead of writing it in my diary or voicing it out as a prayer.
So here you go.

I really have a bad sore throat(I guess all sore throats hurts mad).
And it really is uncomfortable because every time I swallow, even my own air liur, it hurts!!!
And I've taken about the entire pack of Strepsils, a bottle of hundred plus and a cup of honey lemon.
And also 2 lozenges,and, there is no improvement.==


I feel bored, or rather, hectic, not in the studying hectic style, but working hectic style.
Hectic working style differs in that you know you have things to do which will keep you occupied the entire day.And best part?
Its the same everyday.A routine.
Wake up, bathe. eat, work, bathe, eat, sleep, wakeup, bathe, eat, work, bathe, eat, sleep........
You get the picture.
Nothing exciting but sufficient to allow stress to seep into my daily life because of the WORKLOAD.

Sigh.
I have a weakness, which is that whatever I feel whether happy, angry or stressed will be displayed on my face.
Like I cant hide it at all.
and I don't like it!!


And I'm actually kinda tired that everyday I go to work and someone or something would happen to make me feel angry.
Like this egoistic guy who never admits his mistake, and this weird person who does not understand what I communicate over Skype and I would repeat n repeat that I dont have it, and she would repeat and repeat that she wants me to email to her.WhaaaaAT!*throws hand up in the air*
And illogical customers that comes in last minute like a half hour before we close with a handful of enrollments for us to key in.He actually started arranging the forms on the long desk and it was a horrifying sight.(For me la)
I'm not even kidding!!!
Or people who thinks that I am free and requests for me multitask.
I mean I will do it if I could, but I only have one pair of eyes.
I cant do both things which require my eyesight at once!
Then I would get angry because I think it's inhuman and illogical.


See, I get pissed off at about everything.
But I guess it's just human that I'm dealing with.
Oh and the workload is mosome awesome much.
Like you know before you strat that you would never ever be able to finish them.
I mean, it's logical the amount of task you could do at hand, two months into being an admin clerk/cs/phone receiver/storekeeper and you could actually know how much you could or cannot do.
So it's stupid to keep piling work on us.



There, I've said it all.
Didnt I say earlier that it would be safer for me to write in my diary?
But I'm so lazy to get it.


Then again, everyday I remind myself that I cant get angry over petty things.
I'm just working for two months, TWO GOOD WHOLESOME months!
And I membebel dan meng-complain non-stop.
How can, Michele?!?!
Aiyoh.



Just do my part, everyday I'm telling myself that, and everyday I forgot about that when something happens to spark off aku punya anger.Apalah ni.
Today one of my colleague was kinda saying that I am different from when I first came in.
Probably looked more stressed up now than then.
And sigh, everyday I tell myself that Im just working to get pocket money and my commitment towards company is not long term and nor is my affection for company deep enough to get me upset over stupid systems.It's holiday yo, I'm suppose to enjoy them!!




Sigh sigh sigh.Big big sigh.




At this point of time, I'm pretty sure all my close friends who read this will comment that this is style Michele untuk bercomplain.
Ok la I dont deny that la okay.



But lemme reminicise on the good aspects.
Which is that food is plentiful and sufficient, as in my manager or even customers would buy food for us, hailing for Ipoh, Penang and own backyard(fruits).
So you see, they are quite generous in feeding us.
Then also, the attitude of the people are actually pretty nice.
I mean they are not like what I firstly imagined them to be, the rude, gossipy, blackhearted bully style.
They are not like that lo...


Okayla.my eyelids are drooping already.
I;ve decided tomorrow is a new day I'm gonna remind myself not to be stressed, regardless of what happened.
I will be strong, and ask God to fill me with enough love to cover all the weakness of people around me.

Work Life 1

Read my girlfriend's blogpost and felt like writing one too.
Except that all her complaints has got a positive, bright side to it.
And all my complaints are just well, plain complaints.




But I guess after ranting it out to my bestie on the phone,
and chatting with my sister on Facebook, it seems like it was all planned.
All the challenges I faced at work was to help me become a stronger person.
Btw, nobody wants to go out with me,to shop and relax and look around things.Sad case =(


Okay, I can't really say I love all the conflicts in my working place, the gossips and stress.
But I tell you, only these can draw me closer to God.When things go wrong, I needed to vent my frus to God.
Like I havent been talking to God for a month now.
Because I was just too busy.
Life's a routine.Wake up, work, reach home, rest, sleep.
And the cycle repeats.
I mean there were some positive points about my working place.
But it's the most challenging job I have as of now.
I have NEVER gone off sharp at 7pm which is the end of my working time.
Never.
Plus stayed EVERY Saturday for overtime.
And, READ my company mails even on Sun.


Considering I'm doing temporary, plus Im student working for pocket money, not attachment.


Ok, I really feel like I've done more than I should and then I feel like stopping.
Go back to being not too responsible, maybe lazier and act stupid.
But I have to remind myself to do my best, God is watching,I mean, God knows, even when human doesnt appreciate.
I tell you, they not only do not appreciate, they put more stuff onto your shoulder the moment they see your capabilities.
I mean, I'm already going beyond what I was contracted to do, and yet they piled more stuffs on me.



Okay, you see my post turned into something like a 'complaints' post again.
I shall stop here.
If anything happier happens I will post here.=)

Nothing is Impossible with God

I love today's devotion and that little story that comes with it.
The little boy is so creative and smart.
He must have stunned the high-nose scholar.Watch out for the boy, and more, for the powerful God I serve.

Nothing is Impossible With God
Gwen Smith

Today’s Truth

Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left (Exodus 14:21-22, NIV).

Friend to Friend

A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!” he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not.       

Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.         

“Hey” asked the boy in return with a bright laugh, “Don’t you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle.”         

The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy and began to try to open his eyes to the “realities” of the miracles of the Bible. “That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholars have shown that the Red Sea in that area was only ten inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across.         

The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. He had taken only two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation.         

“Wow!” exclaimed the boy happily, “God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in ten inches of water!”         

The Old Testament book of Exodus shows, over and over again, that nothing is impossible with God. Nothing! Moses was an ordinary man who was chosen by God to do an extraordinary task. On the far side of the desert in Midian, high on the mountain of God, Moses met the LORD face to flame. God appeared to Moses “in flames of fire from within a bush.”          

I would imagine that Moses was probably dirty, sweaty, and stinky from shepherding as he stood on holy ground before the LORD. I’m sure he was keenly aware of his filth and stench, both physically and spiritually. As he slipped off his shoes, he hid his face in fear. Moses did not feel adequate for the assignment that he had been given. He wasn’t confident in his abilities to get the job done. In fact, he even pleaded with God to send someone else! Moses said to God in Exodus 4:10, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”         

  

But God had a plan and Moses was His man. Through ten plagues and many signs and wonders, God flexed his muscles through Moses. Once Pharaoh had finally let God’s people go, Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt. No compass was necessary. God led His people through the desert with a pillar of clouds by day and a pillar of fire by night. It must have been an amazing sight. It must have been thrilling…up until the point where Pharaoh’s army was closing in on them as they approached the Red Sea. Talk about being faced with a seemingly impossible situation! Moses and around two million of his closest Hebrew friends stood at the edge of the water with nowhere to go. They were trapped. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD (Exodus 14:10). BUT GOD! God was on time for the miracle show. He had a plan. He made a way. Nothing is too difficult for God!           

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today…The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still” (Exodus 14:13). God purposed this extravagant rescue for His glory. The Lord will fight for you. When God is on our side, fighting for us, we can certainly be assured of victory!          

Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the LORD drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left (Exodus 14:21-22).          

The Israelites were saved, and Pharaoh’s army was destroyed - all under the watchful eyes of the LORD. God wanted to be glorified through a seemingly impossible situation. He wants to be glorified through the difficult situations that you face, too. If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31) When we stand with Christ, we stand with power. What Red Sea are you facing? Nothing is impossible with God. When you set aside your doubts and call on the name of the LORD, you can face the waters of your circumstances with a strong confidence, knowing that God is able and willing to do great things in and through you. Continue to follow the pillars of cloud and of fire of God's leading. You have a chance to bring God the glory of which He is so deserving!

Post Exams

Gosh.
The last post dated back to 29th of April.
APRIL!!!!!!!!
almost two months ago.


Anyway, a quick update:
Finished my year 1.
YESH!Did you read that?
Nevermind, I'll type it again.


I FINISHED MY FIRST YEAR!

*dance*twist*twirl*jump*squeal

Ok.Last I recall, I blow kissed about 10 marks to my Common Law examiner coz I couldn't finish it on time.
I read the Public Law question wrongly so I think my answer is only half-correct.
Criminal Law was the first paper and I didn't plan my answers properly so there were LOTSA mistake.
Contract law too, I couldnt finish the last question and therefore it was left hanging.
Personally and honestly, I didnt think I presented my very best.As in no-regrets-best.
But I did my human best.And the mistakes were well, mistakes.Human mistakes.HAHA.
Ok.this is crap.so much twisting and turning with the story!
But but but, I still wanna focus on Jesus, focus on my almighty, strong, powerful God.
Because He can do anything.He does what He wills.And I believe everything that is planned or allowed by Him will be the best plan ever, for my life.


And I visited the Kampung Orang Asli in Sungai Rasau to spend time with the children.
And I love them, all of them.
I tell you, the most mature, bestest, kindest,understandest(if there is such a word) is often the poorest.
It need not be the oldest, it could be the youngest.
Their living condition is bad.They live with chickens, like under the same roof,same level!!!!!
By the way, their houses are only one storey high, made of wood.
And really, this girl told me that she doesnt go to school because she doesnt own an alarm clock, therefore she wont be able to wake up.
And as young as she is, maybe 8 or 9 years old, she has to cook for her family, since her mother ran away.
sad case right?=(

But I also love that they are willing to learn, especially English.
I sat down, opened a book and started reading.Pretty soon I am surrounded by the little people.=)
Some of them were even willing to forgo the pizza-making and eating just to hear me read them stories.*touched
And I love it.I love reading to attentive little audiences.
I love that they appreciate the chance to learn and the fact that they want to learn.
Aww.I have this most amazing awwwwww feeling.Haha.

And then, I started work in a nutrition/health drink company.
and so far, I love the customers(tho there are a few bad apples), love my colleagues, love the environment and love the place!
So high-class and comfortable kinda setting.There is even a pantry where drinks, fridge, oven are available.
My colleagues, sad to say, are all guys. But they're pretty nice people (hmm, when they are not busy haha).
And the customers are the best that I've ever seen.Because they bring food for us!!
FOOD!yes FOOOOOOOD.
Like all the way from Penang, Hong Kong bla bla.
Last I counted there were 7 different kind of delicacies from different places.
How awesome!
Oh oh last but not least the salary is sufficiently satisfying.Better than last year's RM 900 per month.(how pathetic = =)


Okay, that's all!!Will update when I have time, or Make time to blog.=)

El Sali-The God of my Strength

Daily in Your Presence(Day 117)

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
MATTHEW 11:29 KJV

FROM THE FATHER'S HEARTMy child, your shoulders are drooping. Have you been trying to carry your own burdens again? Come to Me. My arms are strong. Let Me have your load. We are a team, remember? Relying on your own strength will only propel you into discouragement and physical exhaustion. Meekness is something I will give you, if you will rest in Me.

A GRATEFUL RESPONSELord, most of my yokes are self-made, heavy burdens of my own choosing. I can learn from Your example of meekness. It is not weakness but controlled strength that can carry the world's burdens on its back, all at the same time. Thank You for Your meekness.

SIMPLE TRUTH

When the burdens of life get too heavy to bear, for the rest of the journey, He'll carry us there.

I am delighted.My friend says I dont exhibit that 'stress-ness' like how I used to be months ago.
*eventhough it is seven days away from my exam now*
I read Jim Cymbala's 'Fresh Faith' and decided that I dont wanna let Satan steal that faith away from me.
That childlike trust in my Father to walk by my side and the belief that He controls my future.
The belief that He is with me, will be with me, even as I prepare and study, even as I sit in the exam hall writing furiously for 3 hours.
In law, we learn a lot on foreseeability of the future, like actions of the defendant or the victims.
So I right now apply my knowledge*laughs* and I foresee that in everything that I do, the Lord will be with me.
The Lord does what He wills, and I have faith that everything is in His perfect plans.
I want to have faith in my Father.
I tell you it is a hard thing to do, esp for someone like me, who is a control maniac and a boss-zila.
I like to plan things through and take caution in every step that I take.
But the Lord helps and strengthens, because I am weak in my own strength.

He will see me through this madness.
Life is a mess.Really a mess.
But when I admit my frailty and ask my Father to provide me with strength, He answers.
And I believe that His plans are better than mine. :
Romans 8 :28(NLT)
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Genesis 50:20 (KJV)
But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

(I will persevere, the Lord will work in His time, and I shall see His purpose come to past.)

That was part of what the pastor preached last Sunday.

On a side note, I kinda feel relieved when I express my intention to resign,

I surrender them all to the Lord, they are His sheep.He is the shephard.

I cant do much by worrying.I can only pray.

And the Lord will rescue them, in His time.

Torn Apart---Tears of Frustration

Yes.I visited one of my friend's church.
And honestly, I love.The worship was awesome-r, the message was energy-er, and the youths were talk-able.
Stop stop stop.Don't tell me to not compare.
Because I right now have all the valid reasons to 'shift' church.
All I'm doing now is waiting for God to answer me.

This is bad.
If you ask me personally, I want to change the place where I'm worshiping.
Really, I do.
Okay, I'm a bit agitated now because something happened again.Yes.Again.
See?Too often.I sometimes wonder why am I agitated.Do I even have valid reasons.
Am I the one who has the problem.
Truth is, it has became a task, a mechanical, boring, forced labour.
I feel dreaded to go there.No joy, no love,no peace.
I WANNA GO AWAY.



ISH.STUCK here.Smack in the middle.I want to leave.Everytime I join in, in less than few minutes of talking with them, I wanna bail out already.


Yet on the other hand, sometimes I look at them and they seem pitiful.
Left out, alone.I wanna walk this out with them you know.




So I'm praying, and listening.If God says to stay I will stay.He will give me strength to do so.
But this is it.Right now is another one of those 'frus' moments.