Hate this

Hate it.Hate whatever that is happenning.
Yet, what my big sis says might be true.
God planned this.
God intended it to happen.
God wants me to learn something from this.


Sigh.Putting God over everyone else.
Pleasing God and not people.
I have to remember that.The tough love.
I mean it's not like I lick people's feet to please them or what, just that..
Sometimes yeah, I really do not want to say things that hurt people.
Unless at that moment in time, I think they deserve it.I'll shoot them back, sarcastically.
But it doesn't last, I'll feel guilty one after that.

Now I'm learning, when I do the 'tough love', direct it at the bulls-eye.
Confronting people.
It will hurt, but it's also love.The tough side. It's chicken soup for the soul.
I will need God's wisdom in this too.
So that I don't speak the wrong words, and go wrongly from what God intended it to be.
ARGH.why is this so hard wehy God?
GOD?!?!?!
*knocks hard at heaven's door*


Aiyo.This had better come out good.

Please, this has gotta be a life lesson to learn from okay, God?

Quiet Me

This song...is wonderful.=')
It speaks!!!!!Totally what I wanna express now.




Quiet me~
Still the storm that rages~
I'm crying out once more, I need to hear You speak~
Let me feel the calming that You know I need~

A Rant

*shakes fist at whoever came out with the idea of a subject called 'Public Law'
Really can cry blood one.
Ok, instead of being disappointed that aku baca tapi tarak paham, aku rasa marah pulak.
Really lo..play the blame game.BLAME THE PUBLIC LAW.THE SUBJECT ITSELF.
Okay la, I'm also quite clear that the law itself is innocent.
Just that I totally don't understand why should I learn it, I DONT WANNA LEARN PUBLIC LAW LA.
NOT FUN; NOT INTERESTING EVEN.

I imagine this:
*takes public law textbook and fly it out of the window.
Or, *happily donates it to people in need of a public law book.
Woah.Kill two bird with one stone.Can do charity work lagi.


Ok.I'm done with the rant.*smiles*
I can face the world again.The bright new day awaits for me.
*assures self*
Michele, YOU CAN DO IT!

Broken Into Beautiful

Broken Into Beautiful
Gwen Smith/Sue Smith/Chad Cates
She's smiling on the outside
But she's hurting on the inside
It's getting hard just living anymore
And the shadows she has clung to
Painful things that she has been through
Have left her feeling worthless, Lord... but

You change worthless into precious
Guilty to forgiven
Hungry into satisfied
Empty into full
All the lies are shattered
And we believe we matter
When You change broken into beautiful

We live with accusations
Sometimes heavy expectations
That tell us we can never measure up 
And yet You repeat with mercy
That in your eyes we are worthy
At last we see how much we're loved cause

Chorus

Though we can't see how we can stand before you Lord
And feel valued, priceless and adored

The Me that God Created

I recently stated to visit the website on a frequent basis : ibelieve
I love the insights of those women, the little seeds of wisdom that come from experiencing life with God.
Somehow, to me, these seem more approachable, more applicable to my life, more appealing to what I feel  on a day by day basis.
Guiltily, more practical than mere reading of the words in the Bible.

I dislike the' theologian'way of interpreting the Bible.*scrunch nose*
It seems *pauses* ... dead to me. Like we're just investigating the words, on a surface, literal meaning, having no application to our life.

Okay, that's what I feel okay.Don't come and rebuke me now.
On my defence, those women live out, and experience the works of God in their life.
Their story seems more honest and human, to me.
Bla bla bla.ok.I should not complain. =)

I'm pasting this post below to remind myself of the women within me when I get caught up in how the world defines 'beauty'.(which I'm pretty sure will happen in future)
PS:I'm copying and pasting the whole text here.
http://www.ibelieve.com/health-beauty/the-comparison-trap.html

The Comparison Trap

Jenny LaBahn

8

I have been in the beauty industry for 8 years. If anyone understands the struggle with comparison, it would be me.

I am a hairstylist and I work in a salon with 29 stunningly beautiful women. I cannot tell you how many times I have walked into work and thought to myself, “I need to lose weight; I should have – put on more make up; curled my hair instead of wearing it straight; worn that shirt instead of this one.” You get the idea.

However when I take a deeper look, I realize that what I am comparing myself to is makeup, haircolor, and hairspray. Things of no value.

Those things may accentuate and enhance, but they are not what make a woman beautiful.

The most beautiful women I know, are those who are at peace with themselves.

The Bible says it is unwise to compare ourselves to others.

“…when they measure themselves with themselves and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding and behave unwisely.” 2 Corinthians 10:12, AMP

I stopped coloring my hair almost two years ago, right before I studied abroad in Paris. When I got home, I decided to keep growing out my natural color. The girls at work were appalled, and ask me quite frequently if I am ever going to color my hair again. Even my clients have become curious as to why I have gone natural. Sometimes it gets to me, and I often think that maybe I should start again. I have even thought, “Maybe if I colored my hair I would look prettier, and then I wouldn’t be single.”

However, I have realized the futility and foolishness in that line of thinking. Something within me wanted to stop being fake. I wanted to stop changing and conforming myself to meet society’s standards of “pretty.”

Don’t get me wrong. I do not think there is anything wrong with make up or haircolor. If I felt that strongly about it, I would be out of a job. I just sensed within myself this striving to look a certain way, to meet a certain unattainable standard. But why? What was the driving force?

I was comparing myself to the woman next to me, instead of accepting the woman within me.

I am the me that God designed. He didn’t make me on accident, and He didn’t form me with some societal mold in mind that He was trying to measure up to. He is infinitely creative and brilliant.

Every time God creates, He does so with intention.

He utilized an equal and exact amount of creativity when He made you, and every other person on this planet. When we choose to compare ourselves with others around us, and the fictitious women we see in the magazine, we aren’t only making life harder on ourselves, we are telling God He didn’t do a good enough job.

God doesn’t make junk; He only makes masterpieces.

And guess what? No one can articulate God’s creativity quite like you can. You were made not to be beautiful, turn heads, and outdo the girl next to you with your beauty regimen. You were made to showcase the hand of God.

And you do that best when you stop comparing, and start accepting, the you that God made you to be.

Be Still

Too many issues going on in my head.

Listening to 'Still by Hillsong'.

God says, Be still and know that I am God. =)

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/

The Youth

Dear God, I need Your strength on this.
The burden is like so heavy.
I feel like I'm taking up all things, everything just rains down upon me.
I want the change, I want You to be the center of my youth.
But things seems tough, I can't do it alone.
So teach me, help me.I need You.Desperately.
When I feel tired, lift me, tuck me under Your wings.
And I will soar high above like the eagle.

Thank you, Father.
For this opportunity to train my patience, and to see others through Your eyes of love.
Thank you for the trials in my life that will make me stronger and grow closer and nearer to You.
Help to remember You are always beside me.
I thank You for already doing that in my life.

Gratitude

God is funny, and persistent.
I had to laugh when I see yet another of my devotions talking about gratitude. ;)
I think God probably knows that if things does not repeat itself, I will forget.
This few months, my devotions have been something like 'Gratitude, giving thanks etc etc'
When I read about gratitude again yesterday, I was laughing.
He is hard pressed on getting me to give thanks, and lessen the amount of complains I have.*laughs*

But it's true.
When I DO give thanks, I begin to see glimpses of glory that would be veiled from my eyes.
When I appreciate, it affirms my believe that everything is in His hands.That His hands are large enough to hold all of me, everything of me, including my future.
When I give thanks to Him for being with me and walking alongside me, I feel assured, comforted that He would pick me up when I fall.


Do you remember I had been like so stressed up about life.
Life is always so busy, so full of things.So distracting me from enjoying every single moment of my life.
I feel pissed, pissed that life has taken away so many things from me, my God given precious life==
I was stressed , I was like 'God, please help me, please help me.I need You.Please come'
Every prayer was a desperate cry for help.

Then one night, as I was wondering about something (at this point of time I can't remember what)
It struck me.Maybe my method is wrong.God has ALWAYS been with me.
The circumstances were so overwhelming that it has blocked Him out from my view.
When everything starts to crash down and everything spun out of control, I was so absorbed into it I forget that God is already with me, within me,  beside me.
So I changed my prayer, to thank Him ,affirming the fact that He has always been there.For me.

And you know what, things change.Gradually.
I'm not saying that I don't feel stress now.Well, not as stressed as before.
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine, and he said that when he first saw me, I used to bang on the keyboard, that I was so worked up and just pulling long faces.==
I still feel offended by it.*laughs* But I know it's true.People see stress written all over my face.

I feel better now, not that frustrated anymore, you know.
At least not that panicky and worked up.
Okay, at this point of time, I need a disclaimer: I'm only human.Things may still happen that makes my wanna scream on top of my lungs.

But I learn, okay.(well, sometimes I do forget)
But when I remember, I give thanks to Him and praise Him for His work in my life.
I praise Him for His love for me.
I praise Him for the trials He placed in my life to strengthen me.
I praise Him for all the pits that I've fallen into, that when I crawl out of it, I may understand the pain that others go through when they are stuck in there.It helps me to understand them better, and to love them.Because I've already been there, it helps me FEEL them.


Today I learn how David does it too.

    On many occasions in the Psalms, David complained about his circumstances (Psalms 42, 57, 62). But more often than not, about midway through David’s laments, he begins praising God for who He is and thanking God for what He’s done. And you know what happens? All of a sudden David starts feeling better! Life isn’t so bad after all! His problems grow smaller as his perspective of God grows larger, and he begins to see God’s glory shining through the situation.

It's true, if you check out the Psalms given above.You discover how David's perspective changes as he shifts from complaining to gratitude.


I'm learning to make it a habit, to praise Him and thank Him, even when circumstances cloud my eyes and overwhelm me, I want to speak His love language of gratitude.
PS: especially so when the Sunday speaker is boring.I should thank God still for the people whose life was touched by the message and not focus on my own selfishness.
It's a learning progress.

So Dear God, catch me when I fall, and gently remind me of the right track when I derail again.